You can't secure what you don't acknowledge.SM

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

6 reasons information security causes global warming

In keeping with the divorce and everything Capitalist or conservative causes "global warming" movement, how about this:

Information security causes global warming (or cooling, or whatever it needs to be called today)
I really believe we have a "crisis" on our hands and here's why:
  1. The need for IT security controls is a negative side-effect of Capitalism - man bettering himself if you will. If we didn't have computers and the Internet, the advancement of mankind, and greedy corporations trying to make profits, this wouldn't be a problem.
  2. Security policies are often distributed to employees in hard copy form which requires cutting down trees which requires manufacturing, and more jobs, and more people commuting to work, and fuel usage for shipment....
  3. Information security clauses lengthen business contracts contributing to the same paper manufacturing and delivery problems as above.
  4. Firewalls, IPSs, and anti-virus software require manufacturing, and more jobs, and, well, more carbon dioxide and Capitalists getting their way.
  5. Added security controls require more power and space in data centers thus impeding the "green" data center movement we're seeing a lot of.
  6. When criminal hackers' and malicious insiders' attacks are blocked by our non-environmentally-friendly security controls, it hurts their feelings and makes them feel less about themselves and their jobs which leads to lower productivity at work which leads to more snack and smoke breaks which lead to overflowing landfills and, of course, increased carbon dioxide in the sky.
Finally! Managers and executives now have a valid excuse for not buying into information security...How could anyone in their right mind possibly support anything that causes "global warming" anyway..?? 

I know, I know, my approach seems flawed, but so is the "logic" and the "facts" behind the religion of "global warming". If it were only this easy to push information security initiatives in an emotional fashion in the name of something that has no basis in fact and without having to present the real side of the story!

Now I've got to go figure out how I'm going to offset the "carbon emissions" pouring from my race car's open exhaust and my daily driver's big V8. I'm confident a government bureaucrat will guide me along the way.

Here's why:

  1. The need for security controls is a negative side-effect of Capitalism - man bettering himself if you will. If we didn't have computers and the Internet, the advancement of mankind, and greedy corporations trying to make profits, this wouldn't be a problem.
  2. Security policies are often distributed to employees in hard copy form which requires cutting down trees which requires manufacturing, and more jobs, and more people commuting to work, and fuel usage for shipment....
  3. Information security clauses lengthen business contracts contributing to the same paper manufacturing and delivery problems as above.
  4. Firewalls, IPSs, and anti-virus software require manufacturing, and more jobs, and, well, more carbon dioxide and Capitalists getting their way.
  5. Added security controls require more power and space in data centers thus impeding the "green" data center movement we're seeing a lot of.
  6. When malicious hackers' and rogue insiders' attacks are blocked by our non-environmentally-friendly security controls, it hurts their feelings and makes them feel less about themselves and their jobs which leads to lower productivity at work which leads to more snack and smoke breaks which lead to overflowing landfills and, of course, increased carbon dioxide in the sky.

    And finally...
  7. Managers and executives now have a valid excuse for not buying into information security...How could anyone in their right mind possibly support anything that causes "global warming" anyway..??
I know, I know, my logic is flawed, but so is the logic and the facts behind the religion of "global warming". If it were only this easy to push information security initiatives in an emotional fashion in the name of something that has no basis in fact and without having to present the real side of the story. We'd be gagillionaires!

'Nuff said - I just had to get this off my chest. Now, I've got to go figure out how I'm going to offset my big SUV's "carbon emissions" for 2008. We're in a crisis you know... ;-)
- See more at: http://securityonwheels.blogspot.com/2007/12/seven-reasons-information-security.html#sthash.dBiLAmpe.dpuf

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